About Jun

This is a page for me to write down what I want to write about myself. I forget things when I don't recall them or write them down, especially happy things and little things.

Last updated: April 29, 2024

Brief Timeline

1993: born in Hong Kong

1998: wanted to learn violin but was persuaded to learn piano instead

1999: started practising Chinese kung-fu and playing the violin

2005: started dancing

2006: started writing fictional stories

2007: started playing the guitar and drum set

2008: joined Millennium Youth Orchestra

2009: started writing original songs

2011: started playing the bass guitar

2013: travelled to a foreign country for the first time through a study tour to Gifu, Japan

2016: started playing the cajon; graduated university; volunteered at Setouchi Triennale with Koebi-tai

2017: quit my job, never working full-time again; started working as a freelance translator

2020: started To Jun's Muses

2021: started playing the erhu; started violin making

2022: started singing a cappella

2023: started playing the viola; joined Hong Kong Doujin Philharmonia

About me

My perfect day

My perfect day would be a day I have nothing planned so that I can do whatever I want to do that day. I can just be an otaku and watch/read all the things I find interesting. I can also think and write about the characters that I like at the moment. I can just sleep all day and do nothing, although I tend to daydream about my characters before falling asleep. I can wrap my arms around my love Yuki and see if she'll just ignore me or respond differently. Maybe a cat will be around me and rub its head or side against my legs. Maybe sparrows will stay and let me touch them when I come up to them. Maybe cats, sparrows, and I can be friends with each other at the same time. Or maybe I can become a black cat and stay around Yuki all day. It'd be wonderful.

I seem to tend to make my daily life musical

I like improvising songs of what I feel at the moment and singing aloud with lyrics or other sounds, although I usually don't care much about the correct tones. As I remember, I usually sing when:

Music makes my life happier~

I like Chinese literature and arts

The roots of my love of fiction are always Romance of the Three Kingdoms and Journey to the West. I still remember the days when I kept reading them in bed, watching the TV adaptations, and playing related games when I was little. I was so obsessed with those characters and stories that I've even written some fanfics.

The root of my taste in music probably comes from Chinese music. My parents always played folk tunes and Chinese pop songs at the time when I was just a little child. I even remember I've happily sung along with a microphone at home with my father and watched videos of my parents' favourite singers' concerts. When I wrote my first very few songs and sent them to my friend, his first impression was my songs all sounded like Chinese.

I've loved the sound of erhu since I don't even remember. Whenever I learn a new traditional erhu piece now, I almost automatically fall in love with almost all the pieces immediately. It's amazing. I don't think I experienced this when I learnt violin or viola. Perhaps my erhu tutor has figured out my taste in music (?)

I love Japanese culture, (except for the traditional working culture and black companies)

Well, this is the main reason why I majored in Japanese Studies. I grew up watching Japanese anime and reading manga. I learnt to sing the original Japanese versions of the theme songs from those anime by ear before I formally studied Japanese. I’ve always thought that Japanese is a beautiful language. After I officially started learning it, a whole new world opened up for me. I’ve learned about Japan’s past and present, and I’ve gained insight into how the Japanese think and feel through their own words. While many translators and interpreters do an excellent job expressing those words in other languages as truthfully and accurately as possible, I still believe that some, if not many, of the nuances from the original texts are lost in translation.

I love doing everything by myself when creating works

As an extreme introvert, I always prefer staying in my room all day without talking with anyone if possible. I only allow music, radio programmes, or any kind of shows that I've chosen to play in the background while working. Any other sounds are noises. My ears are very sensitive and this makes me hate noises.

I also hate being told what to do, but I like working with trustworthy partners who give constructive feedback without making me feel I'm incapable. I've had some great experiences working with a few friends of mine, while I also have had traumatic experiences working with people that I stopped being friends with after working with them. I've realized I don't mind discussions or feedback as long as they're not simply criticizing, discouraging, or hurtful. I often send the latest versions of my work in progress once I think I've done what I could do, and wait for feedback when working with people I trust. I believe short and rapid feedback loops can help identify areas for improvement and thus enhance the quality.

Although fast feedback loops are great, I still enjoy creating works by myself the most. I prefer working alone most of the time. I simply can't focus on my thoughts when others are talking about their ideas. I usually just switch to a mindset of adviser or consultant and start thinking how I can help make their ideas work and turn them into reality. In the end, I feel I'm making what they want, but not what I want. I need my own time and space to create what I want.

I have somatic symptom disorder (and TOS)

Usually, I just call it "pain disorder" when people ask me, but for those who are curious, it "is diagnosed when a person has a significant focus on physical symptoms, such as pain, weakness or shortness of breath, to a level that results in major distress and/or problems functioning" (APA, 2024).

What my psychiatrists said was that some elements in my brain don't function well so I'm feeling muscle spasms, pain, and weakness, especially around my neck and shoulders. Even after years of treatment, I still have to avoid carrying a backpack or an instrument case over my shoulder. I also need an ergonomically designed workstation for any work based on computers.

(A chiropractor diagnosed me with thoracic outlet syndrome (TOS) but the doctors in public hospitals never agreed with him and only referred me to psychologists and psychiatrists. Well, I'm receiving disability benefits because of those referrals so I'm fine with the diagnosis now.)

My symptoms usually worsen when I feel stressed or depressed; and when my symptoms worsen, I usually feel even more stressed and depressed. This forms a vicious cycle and makes me tend to just quit what makes me miserable. I felt relieved when my doctor said it's fine that I quit as long as I need to, but I'm extending the time to think whether I have to quit something whenever I feel I need to. I hope I can find a better balance between quitting and continuing.

Currently, I'm taking a type of antidepressant medicine to help reduce symptoms associated with depression and pain. Along with that, I've received psychotherapy and counselling for years. Those mental health professionals have helped me recover and grow as a person. I'm very grateful for their help.

I prefer talking to texting

Although I feel anxious when making phone calls or initiating meetings in person, I still don't prefer texting, especially when discussing issues. My texting voice often sounds like arguing and demanding, and I often read too much into texts and words in general. This has caused a lot of trouble and misunderstandings, leading to prolonged conflicts. I have ended friendships because of this multiple times. I don't want to repeat it anymore. It's traumatic.

I love writing love stories when I procrastinate

I've been feeling ashamed of this since I started writing stories. I never admitted I liked love stories in the past. I still seldom say I like love stories now, but I'll admit it if asked.

My reluctance to admit the love maybe because I don't want to act "girly". There's a stereotype that girls love romances, and I hate to be identified as one of them. When I was young, my friends were mostly boys and I hated to be treated like a girl, like an outsider. When I talked about some romance elements in non-romance stories, almost none of them were interested. Some people even felt surprised because I didn't look like I liked love stories and even had written some.

Writing love stories has been my secret guilty pleasure since I was only around 13 years old. It sucks when I've written so many love stories and I've been enjoying this for so many years, but never been brave enough to even admit it for all those years. I've been writing on pieces of paper, notebooks, journals, and now mostly on computer and smartphone. When I feel bored, I can just visit my working drafts and continue to write. It's like watching my favourite characters acting in my brain. I just need to capture the moments and write them down while enjoying the shows. It's so wonderful. I can stay in my room and do it forever.

I like girls

Girls are beautiful and lovely, aren't they? And the idea of girls loving girls is great. I'm not hiding the fact that I love GL or yuri stories anymore. It's so depressing that I can hardly find characters that can represent me on-screen or on-stage in Hong Kong, and therefore I can only write queer stories myself.

Fortunately, this culture is becoming more and more flourishing in other places like Japan and the United States. I love watching anime and TV dramas and playing games with females as main characters and love interests. RWBY, Chaser Game W: My Evil Boss is My Ex-Girlfriend, and Cyberpunk 2077, for example, have caught my eye because of this and later become my favourites.

More about me

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